‘Like a frangipani tree in winter time needs to time to heal, so do we. With this time taken and effort assured we blossom into the new acceptance of self’ b.x
We all struggle with a lack of self esteem at some time and we all have stories of the knocks, the hurts, the pain, the reasons that they were first created. In recent years my personal experiences have taught me ways to find my self worth all over again. Find ways to rise, rebuild and restart because let’s face it – it’s about the way we stand up after falling.
Recently I’ve felt like ‘ I face planted the pavement’ I’ve collected my very own bucket of hurts. My busy took over to hide my emotions, helping others all in bid to fight ongoing fears of being just me. I chased trust in the form of protection and over giving. I tried to gather self worth through impressions; availability and bending over backwards forgetting all about my wants and needs. I chased and followed and allowed others hurts to become my narrative. I repeated this story daily to myself and please forgive me to my closest friends and family. Normally I would revert, or I’d would shove it back in the bottom corner of my closet but it starting busting at the seams. It began a toxic burn in my body and I was forced to listened.
My body created a swell in my lower abdomen it felt like a rock; unable to shift it – it ached. It wasn’t period pain nor other digestive issues it was mental toxicity turning into physical pain.
My teeth and gums began receding and bleeding due to my nightly grinding and insisted lock jaw of over thinking from my uncertainty, an evident lack of self worth and all this from the fear of not being able to speak up. Not being able to communicate my feelings without feeling worthless or not being heard. All because I could not forgive myself for my ‘so call failings’.
I tried to continue to show face (this is not healthy!) and I held on to what it was and sometimes extended outwardly. I was uncertain inside of my choices; where before in life I maintained self assurance, drive and strength -it was definitive. This was all due to a feeling of submission and expectation.
When our self worth is balanced; we value ourself we develop and own ‘the ME factor’ to be confident in our decisions and choices. ‘Become the girl of your own dreams’ b.x . The ME factor as Mum is tricky to adjust because we typically look after everyone before ourself. Being a single Mum it’s even harder to find this sense of balance when all is dependant upon one person ‘me’. Every job, every home detail; (inside and out) on ONE wage and through it a renovation, my building business, normal work, family, new business venture and a new book spinning in my head. EXPECTATIONS? much – I dropped the self esteem bundle.
It’s when we improve our self worth; we are the best version of ourself. Others see yet we are unable to feel. This self-worth will impact every area of life; job; relationships – especially with your kids, and even your physical and mental health are a reflection of your self-esteem. The sparkle or dull in your eyes.
But what exactly helps shape your view of yourself and your abilities? The big truth is that is the level of self-esteem that may have grown or shrunk is based is on how people have treated you in the past (these habits of allowance with people or showing people what you’ll accept as suitable treatment) or this maybe in your present daily life through evaluations you’ve made about your life and your choices.
Good news it’s all possible to change to heal and to redefine your goddess.
The 7 Simple Ways Of How I Rebuilt My Self Worth
That truly worked wonders on me and I hope for you too. It’s worth a try? right.
- Have a long warm bath; feel the cleansing of your total body covered in bubbles with no thoughts of judgement just self love. Have the bath in the dark if you can. Peacefully put a warm cloth behind your head and repeat your thankful thoughts. It’s takes approximately 20 mins to feel the impact.
- Brush your hair for an extended time and take gratitude for your hair. This to me is something I never have time to do as it’s often a quick brush hair up into a messy bun – ‘I don’t have time for this’ … add groan. It will seem weird at first however – the slow process of brushing your hair provides great benefits; it is good for your hair; as well as scalp and tension releasing. It’s take 3-5 minutes to feel the impact.
- Hit play on those headphones and go for a run. Even if you can’t run; run crazy or even odd or out of control but run. Then walk and then run. Feel the release. Focus on you and no one else. Exercise is free anxiety therapy. It’s take 20-30mins to feel the impact.
- Get your hair blow dried and styled it’s inexpensive and confidence building. Walk down the street dressed in your favourite outfit and accept the smiles you receive. Allow that confidence to soak in. It’s take 45mins to feel the impact.
- Write thankful notes to yourself and leave them in places. On your mirror, bedside table; in the pantry in the fridge or freezer. On your computer keyboard or in your handbag. Add notes to your background screen on your phone. Every time you swipe it’s a positive message just fit for you. 1 minute to feel impact.
- Mediate – go to a class or find a place where you can remove all distractions and sit peacefully – just being and finding gratitude for you. It is 10 -15 minutes to feel impact. You do have time; you must make time. Use an app. If you are embarrassed. (I personally had to sit with a meditation guru to find this space within me. (Yes.. it cost money but cheaper than a therapist and worth it to avoid the expense from my mounting dentist bills). Being guided by someone to find my deepest inside thoughts was a enormous benefit. Some stuff I did not know existed and I cannot explain the difference in me. The clarity, the happiness and fulfilment that was created solved many self worth, trust, fear and guilt issues that had built over years.
- The most important of all —- Forgive yourself; forgive others; forgive you once again! Forgiving will set you free. It won’t seem like it, but it will. Cut off those resentment ties, those buckets of hurts. Cut them off! Physically cut them, scream, cry and yell underwater but it will take only 10 secs to feel impact.
I beg of you, if you are struggling start these today. Try this sentence ( I use it on my kids) – ‘know that I love you dearly but I deserve ME time for …….. minutes – thanks’ and walk, go, do you with freedom. No further explanation is required.
I only hope my true reflection has helped one person feel they are not alone. I hope that you may find some help in my steps and you feel the support and love you deserve all from YOU.
Health and Happiness,